NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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