I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
