watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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