The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
