Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
