My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
