I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
