His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just a social blackout drinker.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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