I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
We're hate flirting, damnit.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
