The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
