So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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