The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
