It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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