In the future we'll all be gay
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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