she kept yelling 'call me bella'
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
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