I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Randomize
