My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
