you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
