only if we run a train.
done.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
