its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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