Acid is not a monday night drug
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
