I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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