I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
