I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
