Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
