It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
