there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
