And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
