the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
