Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
