There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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