I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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