i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
