i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
She needs sedatives and a leash
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
