oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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