i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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