What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
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