he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Just pee around me
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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