Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
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you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
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I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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