i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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