Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
