I smell stomach acid.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
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There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
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I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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