Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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