I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
