She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
