I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
