So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
