i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
