the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
only if we run a train.
done.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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