I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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