I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
