Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
