Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
