Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
