If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Randomize
