i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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