I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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