My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
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I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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