Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
