Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
