do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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