he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
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