It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
