that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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