i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
ugly people sure do ruin things
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Randomize
