Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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