We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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