I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
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